I never write here. I haven’t written my feelings and how I’m feeling in a long time. But here it goes, hopefully someone will read it.

It’s Spring Break and you want to know how I’m spending my time relaxing? I’m spending FOUR days, yes count it, FOUR.. with two of my bestest friends up in Saginaw. I’ve never been this close to both of them, but sometimes you know when people are meant to be in your life for a reason. They keep me sane. They listen to me. They’re them. They’re different. It’s a different lifestyle for me when I’m up here.

I’ve been spending some of my downtime up here, just thinking. They have both had class and work for these past two days.. and now they’re both napping before we go out tonight. I should be getting ready, but writing seemed like such a better option for me.

Rewind back.

September-October, I couldn’t even tell you what I was doing with my life back then. I know I was getting back into the swing of things between work, school and sorority as well.. Friendships were coming and going and I’m always okay with that. ‘Cause when one door closes, another door opens.

Back in that time, some of my friendships were the strongest that they could’ve ever been. We talked. We hung out. We didn’t hide things from each other. It was perfect. Then it was ruined. Did I ruin it? Did you ruin it? It’s not smart to question these things, but sometimes you have to, especially after you know that you’re for sure being avoided.

We told each other everything, but you couldn’t spend an hour to have dinner with me when it was YOUR idea? What happened?

Sometimes, you know that certain people are meant to be in your life, but even though you know that they are meant to be there.. it doesn’t always work out to be that way. I didn’t want to give up, I always say I’ll give up and then I don’t.

Then, it hit me.

“Sometimes you have to give up on someone. Not because you don’t care, but because they don’t.”

It’s time for me to give up now. Give up on a friendship that used to mean the world to me. Give up on a person that was “my person” through everyone.

At one point, I had convinced myself that I was over being friends with them and then one day I texted them out of the blue and things were good again. This time though, I need to not do that. They’re not worth it.

Not worth my time.

It’s time for me to move on with my life. Time for a new chapter. A new me.

Spring Break has been a time for reflection for me, and now I need to make some big girl decisions on what I want to do.

I know that a majority of my friends will stick by my side while I figure out who I am. I’ve lost who I am, what makes me happy a while ago. It’s time for me to figure it out.

I hope my friends will stick through it with me. And if not, I truly know who my real friends are.

XOXO,
Kathleen.